This is another good question, because it seems to me that there is actually some confusion about this whole area. Hopefully, this will be an opportunity to make things a bit clearer for all of you who are interested in the matter.

Self-esteem is actually a western psychological term (pop psychology actually, that caught on in a big way). While you will likely find numerous definitions for this particular term, most attempting to present as psychologically based, I would like to add another perspective for you to consider -- that of humility.

As many of you have previously learned from some of my teachings, I often use the word "humility" when I am talking about holding a correct perspective of self and the world. As you might expect, I do not mean any kind of a "less than" connotation with the word "humility" when I use it. Rather, it is a term referring to equanimity, or the establishment of one's rightful place in the scheme of things. That means neither over stating nor understating one's worth, or place when considering what we might call "the big picture."

I would say the same is true of this notion of self-esteem. Equanimity seems to be somewhat difficult for many Western practitioners to understand and demonstrate. Often, I find that there can be a kind of affected presentation by some of my students because they are trying so hard to accomplish equanimity. Something is out of whack when that happens because the notion of equanimity and that of struggle are, in fact, mutually exclusive. This is also true of self-esteem.

I notice when this issue arises, it is often from an individual who feels she or he is having difficulty rising to a point of appropriate self-esteem. Perhaps the individual is trying to overcome a sense of unworthiness, or a practice of being self-critical. In fact, I usually also notice a kind of helplessness accompanying this sense of low self-esteem. Of course, there are also those who feel it is spiritually fashionable to actually have low self-esteem. These are often individuals who have issues with others whom they deem view themselves too highly. Of course, either end of this spectrum comes from egoic issues. It doesn't matter if the ego regards itself as more worthy than others or less worthy than others. Either way, the ego is in control, and the individual is not free to experience the all-encompassing love that is ever present even when it may be thoroughly embracing the individual.

Some are even arrogantly unworthy, you may have noticed. Of course, this is not an adequate reflection of the one's true nature. Once again, it may feel a bit affected, or it may also present as a kind of "holier than thou" attitude. Some folks even feel a bit righteous about their unworthiness. In any case, such is not what we could term appropriate spiritual self-esteem, for it has the trappings of overemphasizing a kind of "otherness" between one's ego and what it perceives as something "not self."

The biggest problem I see, and I can assure you it is rampant, is the trying to force a sense of self-esteem by one who actually feels unworthy in some way. Now in truth, the quickest way to heal this is to go out and help everyone you meet raise their own self-esteem. I do not see that self-esteem is something one can pick up in a seminar, nor something that one person can give another. When you are genuinely helping others with their self-esteem issues, you may notice that you forget about your own issues. If, however, you attempt this on one of those days you are unable to come from a truly genuine and generous space, you may find you only end up reinforcing your own unworthiness. This, of course, is not the goal here.

When one arrives at the appropriate space concerning self-esteem, one usually finds it is not as they previously thought it to be. It is not a condition where all unworthiness has evaporated, and you now feel quite differently about yourself. Nor is it an experience (for those whose egos tend to overstate their own importance) where one loses all sense of being "better than" and has simply wonderful feelings of self-acceptance and esteem. On the contrary, when one "arrives," so to speak, one is generally not aware of anything other than what was an issue is no longer an issue. There is a genuine caring for all others, and the self is just not on the screen very much.

What has replaced the under-worthiness, or the over-worthiness, is in fact true humility. One is simply in the moment tending to what life is asking without much reference to how the self is feeling, or doing. The presence of Essence naturally takes over in the interactions, and with great compassion for the pain and suffering of those around you, you recognize you actually have less pain and suffering when you quit worrying so much about your own worthiness.

In truth, the Creator did not deem that some are more worthy than others. Such is a human manipulation of divine Essence. There is no spiritual measuring stick that says some are more loved and honored among humans than others. Again, you can thank humans for that notion. If you hold too tightly to what the mind says about the self, regarding this worthiness thing, you will constantly be led out of the space of true humility and self-esteem, and flung back into the pangs of suffering. This tends to be the habituated response, so you can see how important it is to be mindful of all the control and manipulations of the ego mind. After all, you cannot go free from this control and manipulation if you cannot observe the mind at work constantly recalling you to old patterns of self-talk and old responses to that self-talk.

Many of you have heard it said that the greatest need for all humans everywhere is to be loved. Indeed, the West is big on aggrandizing this idea among psychological communities. Now it is true that nurturing is received better in an environment of love than in one of neglect or non-caring. But if we ask what is the basic need of the spirit, or of one's true Essence, we find completely the opposite. The greatest need of all humans is to love. When that is completely recognized, then it does not really matter if others love one back. Simply by loving, one is filled with love, and when one can love fully enough deeply enough, compassionately enough, true humility and self-esteem are manifest.